Where I was: Weight loss edition

I thought I’d do another post about why exactly I am motivated to get healthy. For those that haven’t known me that long, I wanted to give you some background in regards to my struggle with weight and body image.

So let’s go back and take a look.  I’m going to be making fun of myself here quite a bit, however I don’t know anyone to think that I am fat shaming.  Be whatever size or shape you are,  I am convinced that I am not the fat guy.  I’m at least willing to find out if there’s a skinny guy underneath all the rolls.  I have had a negative body image for a long time.  It probably started around 3rd grade and got more serious in high school and college.

Here’s me, my awesome friend Kiley and an awesome slam poet in Chicago circa 2007:

This is probably my heaviest 285.  Also, This is the reason I have a beard.  It sufficiently hides all of the chin that I have going on in this picture.  Why I ever shaved my goatee off at that point genuinely confuses me.  So one of my least favorite parts of my body is all that extra business underneath my face.  

Around this point in my life I was feeling stuck in my circumstances and would eat and drink heavily instead of going to class or leaving my room.  If I didn’t have friends like Andrew, Kiley, or Ross (owner of Moe), my depression at that stage in my life would have been alot deeper and darker.

I moved back home, and in about 3 months had lost 20 pounds.  The change of scenes was enough to boost my spirits and make me feel like I was heading in a direction. I would be willing to bet that you can track my mental health by tracking my weight or BMI.   I don’t think that I eat as a coping method for sadness; It’s that I eat when I’m bored.  I eat when I lose focus on the future and serving others.

Dana Jill and I in Naples, Italy. This is me at 180lbs!

Getting married, getting into management with a company that I loved, dreaming and praying about the future with Dana Jill, helping other people figure out their lives or paths.  All these things trigger something inside of me that allows me to focus.  They are all future oriented.  They are all focused on something other than myself.

I think that God put me on this earth to help people; When I lean into that or engage with that purpose, I’m not bored. I get excited! I get motivated. I believe that I can be a force for good in the world. In order to do that and serve my highest good, I have got to take care of myself.

I went to the gym last week for the first time in a LONG time. I am testing out 24 hour fitness. I don’t neccesarily plan on working out at 3am, but I do appreciate the option. Driving up to the gym, I was the most nervous I’ve been in a long time. I almost turned around and went home, which is so far outside of who I am, that the thought of turning back shook me out of the nervousness. I went in and crushed 30 minutes on the elliptical. I still felt like a lost fat child wandering around this temple of health and fitness when it came to strength training.

I was reminded of something Rachel Hollis said in one of the podcast I listened to recently, ALLOW YOURSELF TO SUCK! So I’m going to suck at this for a while. Don’t know if I’ll spring for a personal trainer. It’s a little to spendy for right now. I’m going to look up some simple routines I can stick to at the gym, so I can be consistent and hopefully see results. If anyone has any suggestions for apps or any other training options let me know.

I started Healthywager, and my goal is to be down to 168 by October 2nd. At the end of my juice fast I weighed 169. I didn’t actually set the goal 1 pound less than the lightest I’ve been in my adult life; it just worked out that way. The goal for me isn’t to just hit this target weight, I’ve done that before. I want to hit it and stay there (or around there at least). Living healthy is the path and the goal. If you’re on a similar path let me know so we can go through it together!

I’m glad that my friend Noah noticed the message I have floating over any post here on this blog. It’s what I always want to remind people. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Growing and progressing with others is WAY more fun and encouraging. Share your story with others and you never know what might happen!

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